Daughters working for dads
Last summer, Jennifer East, founder of ONIDA, a Toronto-based family business consulting and coaching firm, asked me to participate in a panel discussion at the September FFI conference about daughters working for their fathers in family businesses. I worked for my dad from 1991 through 1993, during the early part of my tenure at our family business, and he served as a director (sometimes, it seemed, THE director) throughout my years there. Participating on the FFI panel was an honor and also great fun – it gave me a chance to revisit those years with my dad, and gave me an opportunity to hear other young women talk about their experiences working for their fathers.
Our responses to Jennifer’s questions were similar: Was it challenging to work for our fathers? Yes. Did we enjoy it? Often. Would we do it again? Yes.
When it comes to management succession in family businesses, I think that daughters have a significant advantage over sons – a daughter’s active presence doesn’t trigger her father’s competitive feelings the way that a son’s presence can. Fathers tend to feel proud of daughters’ success, not dethroned by it. One of the panelists pointed out that a daughter may also be better at getting her father to change his mind on an issue without resorting to direct confrontation – a particularly useful skill when the father remains on the management team.
It seems to me that gender alone doesn’t explain daughters’ success, however. To my mind, a prerequisite to taking on the job at our family business was a successful track record at school and at other jobs. My father respected my academic performance and accepted my law degree as evidence that I could think critically and speak and write persuasively. Frankly, my education helped me, too – doing well at law school made me confident that I could learn the skills necessary to run the business by keeping my eyes and ears open, studying hard, asking questions and working with experienced professionals with complementary strengths. Prior work experience at a large and entrepreneurial National Public Radio affiliate and a well-regarded private client law firm had taught me the basics of working with others and managing complex technical projects. Perhaps part of the reason for the relative scarcity of daughters in family business executive suites is that daughters, even more than sons, are realists – they recognize that you can’t do the job without adequate preparation and support.
Another essential factor in my father’s and my relationship was professionalism. While I didn’t go so far as to never refer to my father as “dad” once I crossed the office threshold, he and I were careful not to bring our personal issues to work. (We weren’t always so careful not to bring work home, to the annoyance of the rest of the family.) Whether or not I agreed with my father, I respected his opinion, and he and I learned to persevere through arguments, keeping the tone professional, often finding out that our disagreement was over semantics, not core issues. I also give my dad enormous credit for letting me make some dumb mistakes all by myself, neither pulling me back safely from the edge, nor rubbing it in when I realized the error. He recognized that sometimes, the only way to learn is to experience something for yourself.
Our responses to Jennifer’s questions were similar: Was it challenging to work for our fathers? Yes. Did we enjoy it? Often. Would we do it again? Yes.
When it comes to management succession in family businesses, I think that daughters have a significant advantage over sons – a daughter’s active presence doesn’t trigger her father’s competitive feelings the way that a son’s presence can. Fathers tend to feel proud of daughters’ success, not dethroned by it. One of the panelists pointed out that a daughter may also be better at getting her father to change his mind on an issue without resorting to direct confrontation – a particularly useful skill when the father remains on the management team.
It seems to me that gender alone doesn’t explain daughters’ success, however. To my mind, a prerequisite to taking on the job at our family business was a successful track record at school and at other jobs. My father respected my academic performance and accepted my law degree as evidence that I could think critically and speak and write persuasively. Frankly, my education helped me, too – doing well at law school made me confident that I could learn the skills necessary to run the business by keeping my eyes and ears open, studying hard, asking questions and working with experienced professionals with complementary strengths. Prior work experience at a large and entrepreneurial National Public Radio affiliate and a well-regarded private client law firm had taught me the basics of working with others and managing complex technical projects. Perhaps part of the reason for the relative scarcity of daughters in family business executive suites is that daughters, even more than sons, are realists – they recognize that you can’t do the job without adequate preparation and support.
Another essential factor in my father’s and my relationship was professionalism. While I didn’t go so far as to never refer to my father as “dad” once I crossed the office threshold, he and I were careful not to bring our personal issues to work. (We weren’t always so careful not to bring work home, to the annoyance of the rest of the family.) Whether or not I agreed with my father, I respected his opinion, and he and I learned to persevere through arguments, keeping the tone professional, often finding out that our disagreement was over semantics, not core issues. I also give my dad enormous credit for letting me make some dumb mistakes all by myself, neither pulling me back safely from the edge, nor rubbing it in when I realized the error. He recognized that sometimes, the only way to learn is to experience something for yourself.
posted by Amelia Renkert-Thomas at
2:46 PM
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